love_hina14

just at work

2005-12-26T23:36:00Z

so how is every one im ok im at work and im 5 for 4 thats 5 sales for 4 calls its pretty much sweet i know im the man yep i dont really have any thing to talk about but i love this weird girl from cali so she pretty nice i think she wants to kill me sometimes but its ok im trying my best to make her happy she gets mad from time to time and i love the way her voice sounds when we talk she sounds so caring and loving like there is so much compassion she is the most beautiful person i have ever met and im so happy when we talk its great i am the happest person alive right know i love rachel more than she loves me i love her this much|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| thats alot yep i have alot of time on my hands

well this sux

2005-12-07T21:39:26Z

well i saw jessica yesterday and im wrighting all of this so u will read this k babe i luv u and i want u to know whats going on right know i was with jessica and i didnt tell u when we talked about her but she is one of the girls that i was in love with and i understand if u get mad but i still love her and if u dont want me to see her i also under stand and its ok with me cause i just want to make u happy and whatever that means i even if i have to have sex with u 20 times a day hehe it would be fun though well i love u

im going to cali

2005-11-28T23:53:26Z

im going to cali for a week and its going to be sweet dam right im so happy im going to cry

home

2005-11-22T22:17:10Z

im thinking about moveing back to cali this is kinda weird cause im scared out of my mind like just leaveing behind everything i know and kinda love i just am thinking about running away and it seems kinda cool just to leave and not look back like vash style sweet i really want to see rachel cause she is sweet and i think im falling in love its weird cause i havent felt this way for like 4 years and im scared cause i dont really know her like we talk a butt load but n-e-ways ive gotta go luv ya lots

renee

2005-11-10T01:51:36Z

well she is bringing up jason or justin i dont know or really care i wish she would stop talking about him but that dosent change how i feel about her i still love her and its not going to stop me from trying cause i cant even look at another girl its so sad i dont even check out girls i feel like ive been nuterd i know thats not how u spell it so shut up any ways i love renee and its noot going to change sorry

jobs suck

2005-11-09T03:11:24Z

cp fucking sux cause people are stupid

love??

2005-11-08T23:53:34Z

well she said she loves me but it wont work out i havent got a reason yet but im going to get one cause im not going to give up because i love her and thats not going to change she is the only girl i have ever loved and she dosent feel the same what to do please some one tell me what to do

god i hate life

2005-11-07T23:34:35Z

well my dad hates me and he pretty much disoned me so thats cool i fucked jen which in turn fucked up things with renee and i wish i could take everything back i want to be with her so bad i just want to hold her and be held by her she means so much to me and she is sick mabey i should take her some chicken soup that might win her over but it most likely wont work but i still want to be with her im feeling like im droping into a pit of drepression cody dosent understand how i feel he just keeps pushing me and im about to start cutting he says shit like u fucking retard and he dosent know it but it hurts so much to hear that every day i just want to die its not fair that i cant be with the one i love jen says she is always going to be there for me and i kinda want that but at the same time she makes me tired like i can move on i just want to leave this world here is a poem that im thinking about wrighting or im just comming up with

feeling like no one loves me
i wish everyone could see
all the pain i feel
i just want to seal
it all away for eveyone to view
i just wish someone would tell me what to do
i cant find the answers within my heart
i feel like im being torn apart
i cant last with this feeling inside
i just want to give up and die
but the one i love might be sad
i wish i didnt feel so much like a dad
always helping and looking out for family and friends
i just wish they could see all the sins
that i have commited just to make myself feel alive
i want them to see the demons that reside
inside myself i want to be alone
but at the same time i want to be with the person i love

i did it

2005-11-04T20:06:13Z

i told her that i loved her and she was about to stay the night at my house then she saw the waterbed we wached some of sin city then i took her home after i told her i loved her she said she was shocked i was so scared she was going to hang up the phone i was so scared she would tell me she didnt want to see me anymore but she said she loved hanging out with me and i dont know what or how she feels about me and at times i dont want to know but i need to i want to feel loved im ready to spend whatever time i have left on this earth with her the good and the bad everything i just want to be with her well ive got a call so ive gotta go luv ya lots ethan

life at cp

2005-11-04T03:38:14Z

this job sux im so bored im just sitting here with renee and its kinda cool but im in love with her so it kinda sux but im scared cause i have to talk to her tonight and i have to tell her how i feel and stuff so its kinda hope i die on the way home so i dont have to tell her so give me food???????????????????

my life

2005-11-03T23:18:54Z

well im in love with renee its weird to think about it cause i havent ever felt this way before every time im with here i hurt cause i know that i cant be with her i just want to hold her every time i hug her my heart skips a beat i dont know what to do im so confused i wish she felt the same way i just want to be with her but i cant if n-e-one reads this and has advice for me please respond cause im at a dead end ive tried everything now she might work with me i think im going to cry isnt that horrible if i cry dont make fun of me k luv ya lots ethan

i feel funny

2005-11-03T02:20:26Z

heather wants to have sex so thats cool but i dont know cause she has a kid?????

im at work

2005-11-02T20:21:29Z

hi every one im at work right now and im having a great time yep its lots of fun im on the phone right now and im on hold i can fit into size 3 pants isnt that sweet i know im great so n-e-ways how are u all its been awile since ive updated this but now that i can do this at work i will try to do this every day i fucked things up with kearn and she hates me now so yep it sux im still with jen she is so funny i dont know why but she just is beth is still freaken sweet and renee is still the most beautifull girl i have ever seen but ive gotta go so luv ya lots bye

im so sorry

2005-10-23T00:56:43Z

in my earlyer posts i wrote something about a girl that worked at wendys her name is karen she is so funny im really falling for her but i almost messed it up by being a fing retard but its not going to happen n-e-more im going to be the best person i can be around her it was the old me that wrote those things i have to be better than that because i am better than that i just want to make her happy because she makes me happy last night we cuddled in my bed i was so relaxed it was sweet i wanted to stay like that forever but there is always tonight to cuddle but um ive gotta go love ya lots by

Fuck yous guys

2005-10-21T22:16:59Z

All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next.
Love, Jay and Silent Bob.

-CoDy... BITCHES-

not at home

2005-10-18T22:20:58Z

well im not living at home n-e-more and its pretty cool i get to get drunk and have sex all i want but i havent had sex sence i lived at home so it kinda sux but i met this girl at wendys last night and she might come over it would be nice to fuck the shit out of her she is kinda small so i can lift her sweet but ive gotta go luv ya lots

today with jen

2005-10-08T07:20:55Z

today i relized was that i want to fuck the shit out of jen i mean like porno style push her face in a pillow and ride the shit out of ass i wonder if she would like to be fuck buddys cause she likes sex and i do to so mabey if i ask her she will want to do it no strings attached but ive hurt her so much i dont think she would have any thing to do with me mabey i will just hint alot

satin

2005-10-07T22:22:01Z

im talking to satin she is super hott

im not a kid

2005-10-07T04:10:11Z

my parents said i could move out when ever i wanted so i think im going to when i get my car fixed so it will cost lots of money but im getting alot of money cause im getting another job so i saw someone today it was sweet but im done with being a kid but other stuff is good but thats all ive gotta say bye

im done

2005-10-05T08:04:10Z

im done trying to help people im done trying to be there for others cause all it dose it hurt me and my friends so im just going to quit bk when i get a job at cp $8 an hour plus comition thats pretty cool but this is all im wrighting so bye

im so fing stupid

2005-10-03T08:27:08Z

why do i have to be so scared to love someone its so hard to think of myself in a way that would make me look like a good person i dont understand what jen sees in me and because i dont understand and im scared to let someone in that i push away the one person that loves me for who i am why do i keep doing this to myself she said she saw potentel in me and i just couldnt see past the only way out i could find she was right for i am a free spirt and i f-ing hate it im so selfish i hurt people so i dont get hurt how can i be a good person when all i do is cause pain can someone answer that who ever reads this please tell me whats wrong i just feel like without me then this life would be better for everyone i cause so much pain so if i cause pain to myself then it wont retract onto others well thats what i think but tell me if im a so called good person why do i cause so much pain?????

today

2005-09-25T06:50:28Z

at first today suxed but that was because of my parents they say cody is just going to get me into troble but cody is the only reason i havent killed myself because he is there for me he talks to me untill i found jen i couldnt talk to anyone but cody he told me yesterday that if a girl didnt like me and he was going out with him he wouldnt deal with it he would dump her for me that means alot to me im like his best friend he is mine to with out him i wouldnt like punk/emo music and i wouldnt have had so much fun he keeps me from drugs and death my parents just judge from outside apernice if they were to meet him they would like him and see that even though he has had to deal with alot he is still a good kid they just dont understand its sooooo f-ing gay but on to a happy subject im back with jen some people might not like it well f u i really like her and there is nothing any one can say or do to stop the feelings i have for her so ha ha luv everyone lots ethan

mistakes

2005-09-22T08:44:06Z

ive made so many mistakes in my life the one i rember the most was being soooo fucking stupid and being an ass to jen why would i do that i mean i cant stop thinking about her every time i see her my heart starts pounding and im just an ass to her like when i told her i was being stupid cause i had a date i didnt i just wanted her to think i didnt need her because i dont like relying on others but as im typeing all this down i cant wait untill friday when i get to work with her i will show her that ive changed that i dont know i just feel so stupid because she did so many things just to make me happy and she wanted to talk and be togther she is the only girl that i ever told about brad and cutting and how i really feel i told her every thing and now im soooo fucking mad that i fucked it up like i always do when i saw her today i just wanted to hold her and be held back cause she is the only one i felt safe with like no one could hurt me and i wasnt afraid to be myself im weak and imature and a liar and good for nothing i dont really have any thing to live for but cody he is my best friend he said that she was my future x wife but i dont know im scared to tell her so i hope u read this so u know how i really feel i know it wont change anything but it would make me feel better so if u do read this then comment on it so i know u did or tell me i under stand if u hate me i would to so please dont tell anyone about the stuff i told u about myself

today is wow

2005-09-16T20:40:38Z

ok for the past few weeks ive been going out on dates with girls i have about three "under my control" or so to speak but thre is one i like more than the others her name is ashley and she is super smart and pretty and stuff like that she partys alot but other than that shes soooo cool same age beautful eyes long hair with highlights big boobies and stuff like that jen and i are not talking and jimmy my old boss is hitting on me because he heard i was bi hes kinda cute but like a brother but he wants me so i think i will let him be my one of my first guy experinces but n-e-ways i might hang out cody today big suprise we hang out every day i luv that big old teady bear i luv to cuddle and stuff like that so im gonna go luv ya lots

wow

2005-09-11T04:09:32Z

today i kissed my first guy and it was weird thats all im going to say